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You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way. Save me, Jeebus. Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” Me fail English? That’s unpossible.

Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it. Jesus must be spinning in his grave! Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*

I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man? Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.

Thank you, steal again. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it. How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.

Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish! This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.” Dad didn’t leave… When he comes back from the store, he’s going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face!

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I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You’re from two different worlds… Oh, I’ve wasted my life.

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